No doubt during your pregnancy you’ve spoken with your older children about the new baby coming. This will help to build excitement and avoid any big surprises when you come home with a small bundle to join the family.
It can help for parents to do as much preparation as possible during pregnancy to prepare older children for what’s coming. Showing them photos of when they were born and talking about ways they can help when the new baby comes, will support older kids to prepare for what the future holds.
Be mindful that although you may feel excited about having a new baby join the mix, your older kids may not share your joy. Not every sibling is delighted with the thought of having to share their parents and some struggle to learn how they now fit into the family order.
You’re not my little baby anymore!
Even the most well-prepared parents can feel a little sad and a small sense of guilt about their older children having to adjust. This can be particularly common when the youngest child is no longer the ‘baby’.
It’s important to give everyone time when a new baby comes and for parents not to view initial greetings as a predictor for long term relationships.
Just as parents can take their time to build a connection with their new baby, the same holds true for siblings.
Ten top tips to help older siblings meet the new baby
- Keep your expectations realistic. Often, parents can feel a sense of disappointment when their older children don’t react in any particular way when they meet their new sibling for the first time.
- Expect to feel some mixed emotions yourself. As much as we can prepare for a big event, there’s often a gap between expectations and reality.
- Have a present (or two) organised for the new baby to give to their older siblings.
- When your older children first see you and their new sibling, try not to be holding the baby. It can help to try to time first visits for when the new baby is sleeping and in their crib.
- Make a point of greeting and hugging your older children when they come to see you in hospital. Give them as much affection with hugs, cuddles and kisses and one-on-one time as you can manage.
- Try to balance your need to be protective of the new baby with your older children’s excitement. Talk with the older kids about being gentle and show them what you mean. Praise them when they’re trying and doing well.
- Try not to ‘push’ the new baby onto their siblings. Follow your older children’s lead in greeting the new baby and showing interest. If you have a few children, expect differences in their responses.
- Try to think about what your children could be feeling and consider their experiences. Being ‘with’ them in the early moments of seeing their new siblings will help.
- Ask the older kids what they can do to help you and the new baby when you come home.
- Expect some acting out and behaviour changes in your older children in the early days. It can take time for everyone in the family to find their new place and adjust.
Remember
Although it can be challenging for older children when a new sibling is born, most adjust very quickly. It can take time for the children in a family to create a sibling-bond. Most families agree that the short-term discomforts of adjusting to a new sibling are worth it for the long-term benefits.
Written for Sudocrem by Jane Barry, Midwife and Child Health Nurse, September 2022.
